so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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