I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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