Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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