Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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