WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
