You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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