Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
