Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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