i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
