I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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