I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
