I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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