TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
