If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
