I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
