I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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