drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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