wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
