Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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