im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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