it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
