My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
