I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
