It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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