Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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