i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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