I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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