Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
