apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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