you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
