Non-Jews are for practice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
