my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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