your parents love me but you hate me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I deserve this hangover.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
