too bad you live with your parents still
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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