My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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