I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
