Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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