Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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