If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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