It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
