I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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