Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
