and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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