Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
