Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
