My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
