I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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