Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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