My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
