You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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