You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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