If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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